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Winning two World Series and the possibility of more in his future, Terry Francona need not worry about fame in the crowded world of Boston’s famous. This season Terry has managed to transcend Boston sports, if not all sports, in a way that would make noted lexicographer Dr. Samuel Johnson proud of the manager’s contribution to the English language. Move over, Noah Webster. Terry Francona has added the phrase “intestinal turmoil” to the American lexicon. Most recently with the indisposed Josh Beckett unable to make his regular start in the rotation, manager Francona announced the ultimate euphemism to the Boston media. Francona declared that Beckett had “intestinal turmoil.” In a media spotlight where turmoil is commonplace and where deadlines and pressure to scoop the competition has been as stressful as a 24-hour grippe, Francona struck a nerve in the solar plexus. Now children will insist that they cannot attend school on test day because of “intestinal turmoil.” We suspect that college students facing a final examination will ask their doctors to supply a note testifying to an unusual case of “intestinal turmoil.” With the news that Japanese scientists are working on turning human feces into edible burgers, we now find the term “intestinal turmoil” as apt as any concept in the 21st century. Many a major league player has complained of butterflies in the tummy or even a case of stage fright before the big game, but now “intestinal turmoil” puts a fancy patina on any case of nervous energy run amok, or any kind of runs for that matter. Soldiers once suffered shell-shock at the worst moments of battle, but in the 21st century when war will likely be fought on the cyber-trenches of an iPad, we likely will see valor measured in having not just intestinal fortitude, but in the ability to overcome “intestinal turmoil.” Terry Francona, we in the language business salute you! May the wind always be at your back, and may the turmoil you face never be intestinal.
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