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Here we go Gasmi, it’s time (finally) for season eight of So You Think You Can Dance! It seems like I’ve been waiting forever for this season to start but honestly I think the break seemed even longer than it was because of shows like Live to Dance and Skating with the Stars. **SHUDDER**.
Thankfully all that is behind us now and I am so excited to be back. Are you all as excited as I am?
Wow. Tone it down a little there Hugh, people will begin to think you don’t have anything better to do with your time than hang out with me. Oh, wait. Nevermind, carry on.
So, a couple of things I’ve heard for season eight. We’re back to a top twenty (THANK YOU!!!) and then at the top ten Nigel will bring back the all stars format. Which I guess means there won’t be two dances per dancers at that point. God I hope that Satan’s daughter isn’t on the all star list again.
In other news, my sources tell me Alex Wong will not be returning as a contestant, but may be among the all stars selected for this season. Personally, I like that choice for him. We’ve all seen how coming back after an injury can turn on you (Billy Bell) and Alex went out on such a high note I don’t know that he could recreate that magic again.
That said, I am happy as a pig in shit that we may get to see him dance here again.
In sad news, it also seems that one of our favorites from last year, Anthony Burrell, will not be auditioning again. Now, I haven’t heard that from him himself, but all evidence points to the fact that we will not be seeing him here this season. WAH!! Lizbot discovered other news that Anthony is apparently a sexter, but I think I’ll just choose to have a selective memory and remember him the way I want to.
So now I’ve been blathering on and on and on and we still haven’t even started on the show yet! Jeez! Someone tell me to stick a sock in it or something!
Cat welcomes us to the season, telling us no other show has talent like this.
Or hosts for that matter
I love Cat. And I’ve missed her SO much. She tells us we’re going to see spectacular moves, incredible talent and non stop action. Are you tall enough to ride this ride?
We’re starting out this season’s auditions in Atlanta. Nigel is joined at the judges table by Lil C and Mary, who is returning to the role of a full time judge. I guess I sort of missed Mary? I mean, I missed her because I think she genuinely cares about the dancers and tries to give them real critiques, but I didn’t miss her screaming and hot tamale train bullshit.
Also? Please lay off the botox, Mary. It’s not doing for you what you think it’s doing for you.
You remember how this works, right Gasmi? You suck, you go home. You kick ass, ticket to Vegas. In between, you may get sent through to choreography and then either to Vegas or home. Got it? Good, let’s get going then.
First up is Latin ballroom dancer Bianka Hinklerian with her partner Giovanni. Giovanni is not auditioning today.
They’re pretty good, and Nigel specifically says he wants Giovanni to come back and audition next year. Mary thinks it was fantastic and says their feet were on fire. Lil C says that when tempo is that fast sometimes you can lose focus but they did not do that. Yes to choreography from all of them.
Next up is Melanie Moore, an art major at Fordham University. We get our first sob story of the season as Melanie tells us about her dad dying when she was twelve. She tells us it has made her closer to her mom who has been a huge advocate of her following her dreams. Okay, enough crying missy, let’s see if you can dance.
HELL YES SHE CAN! I freaking love this girl. I know the season just started, but already she is one of my favorites and I really hope she can make it through Vegas week because her dancing is fucking amazing. Shit, I got tears in my eyes watching this girl!
And for those of you that want to see this routine in its entirety click below.......
Melanie Moore
Don’t you just love You Tube?
So of course the judges all love her too and Nigel talks about how sometimes awesome dancers fall apart when they get to Vegas and if that happens to her he is going to hunt her down. Considering he’s a giant perv that’s really disturbing. Obviously she’s going straight through to Vegas.
After Melanie (and a break) we meet two friends Deon Lewsa and Damon Bellmon who are using their time at auditions to try and pick up girls. UGH. Is this going to be a joke audition?
Thankfully, no. They were fun and pretty good. I hope the judges put them through to choreography. Nigel thinks anyone that watched them would be entertained and Mary loves the both of them and really thinks they came in with a plan. Lil C says you can’t buy the kind of connection they have and hey, they can also dance.
Nigel says for him Deon brought a little more to it so he’s going to suggest that Deon go straight through to Vegas. Mary and Lil C agree and then after fucking with his head a little, they put Damon through as well. Yeah, the fakeouts are always so great, aren’t they?
That was a rhetorical question
We get a montage of ticket getting dancers that we may or may not ever see again. I swear we see one chick a couple of times.
Then we settle on Marko Germar. What makes him so special, you may ask yourself. Why, he has a story of course. You see, he was shot in 2009 and refused to give up dancing in spite of that. Of course it probably helps that he was shot in the arm.
All kidding aside, he’s good.
Nigel asks about the shooting, confirming that the bullet is still in Marko’s arm. Why? Because he has to wring every moment out of this that he possibly can. All three judges really like and put him through to choreography.
It just so happens that we’re ready for the choreography round and Marko will be joined there by Bianka the ballroom dancer who you might remember from the beginning of tonight’s show. They both make it through to Vegas along with eleven other dancers.
The second day in Atlanta. We start out with Kimalee Piedad and her partner who is not auditioning.
Probably competes with modeling for romance novel covers.
I’m honestly not all that impressed by her. Sure, she can get lifted and carried and thrown around, but there wasn’t a whole hell of a lot of actual dancing in her audition. The judges don’t care and put her straight through to Vegas.
We take a break from dancing now to shine a light on the judges’ firm grasp of the English language including Mary calling something organtic before we veer off into Lil C country.
Among the gems dripping from him this time around are being absent while present, oxymoronical, gracefully clumsy, hard to ingest yet even harder to digest, and submissive to your own dominance. Yep, he’s back.
This segues into what is clearly going to be an audition of delusion by a guy that calls himself White Chocolate. Barf. He’s pasty and sort of looks like the Pillsbury doughboy’s retarded cousin.
Lil C’s face says it all….
Nigel thinks it was really juvenile and not strong enough for the competition. Mary wonders if he’s ever seen the show. He has. He wants to hug it and squeeze it and name it George. He tells them at least he has rhythm. Nope, says Lil C. Nu uh. So White Chocolate asks for a hug.
It’s at times like these that Mary wishes she could still move her face.
We take a break and return to a montage o’losers. We pause at a guy named Kyre whose grandma has come along to support him at his audition. Nigel decides it would be a good idea to have her join them at the judges’ table to critique her grandson. Well, this could be awkward.
He’s not half bad. His grandma says he should have connected more with the audience and then spanks Lil C when he says he disagrees with her. Yeah, it’s all in good fun but that belt sounded like it was wacking his butt pretty good there.
Thank you Grandma, may I have another?
In the end they send him off to choreography. Once there he can’t hang and gets sent along his way. He says he’s only eighteen so he’ll be back again. Grandma threatens more spankings for the judges.
Cat tells us seven more dancers were moving on to Vegas, including some poor kid that Nigel fucked with before giving him a ticket.
Please stop, Farmer Ted.
And now it’s on to San Francisco. Here Nigel is joined by Sir BitchyPants and Toni Redpath. UGH.
Really?!?!?
And then, just because I’m not pissed off enough yet, we start this round of auditions with a giant annoying goober named Amber.
My palms are already itching to smack her.
Of course she tells us that she’s naturally like this, like ALL of the time and she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, she’s just gotta be herself.
I’m guessing her mom tried to drown her at birth.
If not, then she should have. Good lord I can’t stand this girl and I’ve only been subjected to her for about 30 seconds so far. Of course it would be too much to ask that this be a joke audition, right? The girl can dance somewhat. Some. What?
Sir BitchyPants thinks she is great and he loves her quirky personality. She goobers out all over the place and I wish I had a shotgun. Toni also loves her and Nigel compares her “quirkiness” to Shirley MacLaine, Juliet Prowse and Ann Margaret. Have I mentioned yet that I think Nigel is a stupid asshole?
Consider it said.
Hopefully b-boy Timothy Joseph can quell the rage that’s bubbling up inside of me.
Phew! That was a close call. He is really good, but as is the case a lot of the time with the b-boys you have to wonder if he can do anything else. Nigel and company agree and so they send him over to choreography to see if he’s capable of anything more.
Well Gasmi, if you’re anything like me I know you just can’t stand when they show really awesome dancers because it’s just SO MUCH FUN to watch shitty and delusional people stinking up the show. Right? RIGHT?!?
WRONG.
Why do they feel the need to subject us to shit like this all the fucking time? Why? Meet Aisha Moss. She saw the news about the auditions on the news this morning so thought it would be great to come on down and try her luck.
Sadly, she forgot to go potty before she left the house.
This is terrible. And I strongly suspect that this lady is not all there in the head. When she tells Nigel she gets her booty shaking from her stripping days I can only imagine what nasty ass stripper hole she crawled out of. Damn. I don’t need to tell you she’s sent along her way, do I?
She hangs out in the audience to cheer on the next guy who is also terrible.
And perhaps her soulmate.
Sir BitchyPants calls him a grande cup of not so good. So witty that Sir BitchyPants.
Cue montage o’crap.
Next up is Danielle Ihle who has a sob story to share. Her dad bankrupted his family and then left them homeless. Sounds like a great guy.
I’m wondering why he took half of each pair of socks with him.
The one sock thing is really distracting. Toni thinks she’s a great spinner but the emotional content left her flat. Sir BitchyPants says she’s solid but would like to see more from her. Nigel doesn’t like all the angst in the routine; he just wanted to enjoy the movement of it. They send her through to choreography.
Time for Ashley Nicole Rich who seems a tad bit full of herself.
Perhaps with some reason. Sir BitchyPants yells out WOW a bunch of times while she’s dancing and I think he may have creamed in his pants.
So did Toni.
They all love her and she goes through to Vegas. I sort of hope she falls flat on her face once she gets there. Mostly because she causes the judges to start singing. Blech.
We get a very very brief montage of goodness before……
Yeah, you know you saw this one coming a mile away, even if you didn’t see the teaser earlier in the show. D’on-que Addison is an attention whore of epic proportions. He sees himself as an underdog. Whatever. He’s there for attention so of course the fucking show is going to give it to him.
Good Lord. Someone stick a fork in him. Or a knife. Or a gag in his mouth. Just shut him the fuck up. Nigel tries to talk to him about his audition but he says he has done what he came here to do. Oh shut up, Donkey. Nigel says no and so does Toni. Sir BitchyPants refuses to even acknowledge it and for once I actually don’t want to punch him the face. Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t last.
Choreography time!
And Will is looking FINE.
Yowza. Where was I? B-boy Timothy Joseph hurts himself while learning the choreography and chooses to bow out rather than adversely affect his partner. In happier news (for her at least), homeless Danielle makes it through.
And proceeds to give Nigel a completely inappropriate hug.
EWWWWWWWWWW. So Nigel ends day one with a boner while I go off to puke.
Day two starts with b-boy Jeffrey “Machine” McCann. He’s been on his own since he was fifteen and seems like he’s got it all together.
He is GOOOOOOOOD. Sir BitchyPants loves him and just keeps yelling heck yeah. Ticket to Vegas! Heck Yeah!
Next up is Ryan Ramierez who auditioned last year and got cut in the home visits last year by Lil C. She’s back and hoping to make it onto the show this time. Since she has previously assisted Mia, I’m going to go ahead and call that she will make top twenty this year.
I wouldn’t mind that terribly since she’s really good. Not as good as Melanie, but still, I could watch her some more without wanting to gouge my eyes out. All three judges loved it; Sir BitchyPants says they can tell that she’s worked and Toni says if there’s such a thing as controlled abandon, she has it. They fuck with her making her think she’s going to choreography before sending her on to Vegas.
We see a snippet of a girl named Lily Nuygen and I wish they’d shown us more. She looks like she’s possibly a combination of contemporary and b-girl.
More please.
After another brief loser montage we get Levi Allen, a local “turfer” who shows us his stuff after explaining that turfing is a combination of swagger, footwork, pantomiming and storytelling.
It’s actually a lot cooler than it sounds. He gets put through to choreography, but the road ends there for him when he is unable to hack it.
And that’s the first round of auditions, Gasmi? What did you think? Any early favorites for you? Next up are audition rounds in Salt Lake City and New York. See you there!
SWAK, PottyMouth
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