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You know what? I have missed these bitches. Yes, it has only been a week, but try spending that week with nothing but Basketball Wives to write about. It kind of changes everything.
Let’s jump right in. So, last time the girls had this knock down drag out hair pulling session between Renee and Carla. And then Karen refused to let it be about anything other than her own personal need to fame whore. So now, Renee is talking about how they fight hard but they love harder.
Except for Karen. She is a straight up bitch even if she is funny that one time in this episode (how difficult is it to be funny about pumpkin seeds anyway).
Carla and Renee meet up for dinner to catch up for the first time since the hair pulling fight. They drink to friendship and moving forward because this is the life they have. Renee talks about Junior and how much she hates online dating. Renee is so stupid when it comes to Junior. And even Carla can see it from her coma.
Damn Gasmii, Renee is only 41 years old. Would you have ever guessed that Carla and Renee are in the same age range? Because Renee has definitely had several turns at being ridden at the rodeo. And her stable boys have not been that attentive as far as making sure she was put away correctly.
41 is the new 60.
Karen calls her baby’s daddy. Apparently Karina was only in Staten Island long enough for dinner with Karen’s friends and then she was right back in Arizona so mommy could go back to fame whoring.
David, Karen’s baby’s daddy, talks about how hard it is for him to be taking care of Karina and hold down a job since he has gotten out of prison. It’s interesting because Karen wants to write a book about what this life does to the kids. But she is totally not interested in what David has to say about how difficult this is for him as a father just out of prison. Nor, is she interested in talking to her daughter on the phone. Once again, we get Karen calling home and not once asking to speak to her child.
She talks about how being Sammy the Bull’s Daughter meant that normal guys didn’t want to date her. So she chose a guy who was “in the streets.” I love that she constantly brings up her father and what he did without once thinking about what SHE did or what her baby’s daddy did that may actually have an effect on Karina. This is the lack of self-awareness that reality shows are made of.
It will never stop being all about me!
David talks about how being free is such a big responsibility. And while, I can kind of see that from the perspective of someone who has relatives that have served time, I can’t really sympathize because those relatives always thought of being free as a privilege.
But, I will give him some props because he knows that this is just the adjustment and that his daughter (even with all of the craziness that a ‘tween girl can rain down upon even a non ex-felon) is worth not jumping over the cubicle to beat somebody up.
Carla shops for Joe with a friend. She makes sure that she has someone who knows Joe to help her pick out the stuff she is buying. She can’t resist buying her own stuff while she is there. AGAIN where the hell is the money coming from? Is there a 401K set up for mob guys to make sure their wives are still taken care of?
The Mob Rainy Day Retirement Fund!
Drita meets up with Karen. Apparently, they now have a clean slate because Karen says so. Karen talks (of course she does) about how much time David spent in prison and how it affected her. She does her best to illicit confessions from Drita about how much she and Lee have phone sex. And Drita talks a little bit about some of the stuff that Lee has told her before he went to prison. Does anyone else expect this information to turn up in Karen’s book?
Renee visits her plastic surgeon. She is ready to get her penis removed and her ass plumped up. She takes some naked photos and is disgusted by what she sees. She is ready to have a “Renee re-invention.” She wants everything done – perkier boobs, a skinnier waist, a plumper ass and NO PENIS!
Thank you for sparing our retinas!
The doctor tells her she has to be in the best shape possible to get the best possible result. Renee is excited. For once, she can imagine her life without a penis. It will make shopping just a little bit easier. No more worries about tucking.
Drita is taking out the trash and sees that the raccoon gang has gotten into her trash. I love her so much in this scene. She says how she knows that the raccoons are scoping out her hours and know that the “bitch leaves at 5 O’clock.” It’s funny because raccoons are devious. Please remember that I am originally from Alabama so this type of humor is right up my alley.
What! Raccoons are funny!
She talks to Carla about getting a BB gun and decides that a paint gun would be better. She invites Carla over to be her back up. Because those raccoons are a gang and they “roll deep.” I love it!
Karen meets with her writing coach. And, apparently, the shit has hit the fan. The families of the victims of her father, Renee’s Father, and John Gotti have found out about the show. But, since they can’t discuss the show on the show, the controversy is about the book that Karen is writing. Is there really a book? Because, I review books on my personal blog and would RELISH the opportunity to review said book – or maybe even review it for TVGasm (are you paying attention Flipit – because I would need some M&M’s or an extra bag of Cheetos for that review).
Anyway, this is Karen’s big dramatic moment where she gets to cry about how it’s not fair that people are mad at her for things her father did.
You know what, those people aren’t mad at her because of what her father did. They are mad at her and everyone else on this show because money is being made based on the fact that the men involved were bad men. Also, I want to paraphrase a friend of mine by saying that whoever wrote the “life should be fair” memo needs to be dragged out into the streets and beaten to within an inch of his or her life with a dildo covered in honey – so that the welts could attract ants.
As much as I love Drita, as much as I think that Renee has moments of being absolutely fabulous, and as much as I love making fun of Karen for being so obvious about being a fame whore and Carla for her comatose ways; I have to agree with the families of the victims of mob violence. Just like Karen and Renee didn’t ask to be born into the families they have, those people didn’t ask for their relatives to be killed in cold blood because they didn’t meet whatever criteria the mob had set up for them. And Karen can cry and wail about how it’s not her fault. But, it wasn’t their fault either. She could show more empathy there rather than making it all about her and how she is feeling.
Honestly Gasmii, I had a few reservations about taking this particular show. Because once I actually found out who was on it, I knew that the bitches were the real deal. And, while I could deal with the unmarked vans parked outside my condo (which we will be vacating in the next month or so for unrelated reasons), and the weird clicks I hear on my phone when talking to my drag queen friends, I was more than a little worried about the fact that the men who are never really featured on this show had done some very bad things to people who didn’t deserve it.
Anyway, Karen is a bitch who is all about herself even if she is entertaining sometimes.
The writing coach is all, “you knew this was coming, how is this affecting the book?” Which tells me that Karen is behind on a deadline and is using this moment to cry and suck up and ask for more time.
The writing coach reminds her to focus, acknowledge the victims, and get the shit done.
Drita is doing Aleeya’s nails and talking to her about school and how Carla’s kids will have their dad coming home soon. Aleeya wishes her dad would come home soon and asks what happened the first time that her dad went to jail. Drita tells her that when he was younger he and some friends got into trouble and that there was a rat. Aleeya wants to know what a rat is.
Aleeya learns a very special lesson about rodents.
I love and hate this scene. I love it because Drita uses the best possible analogy to describe what a rat is. I hate it because even though she tells Aleeya that Daddy got in trouble because of the things that HE did and the people HE hung out with, she was a bit too proud of the fact that Aleeya would never “be a rat.”
I also loved the fact that she tells her in simple language that a rat is a tattle tail that is trying to avoid getting in trouble for being bad. I hate that the story sounds like Lee was a victim. But, then I love that she says that Lee made the bad choices to do something wrong. Although, I hate that Aleeya doesn’t seem to grasp that her dad did something wrong as much as she grasps the fact that her dad is in jail because someone ratted him out. I think Drita did a good job of explaining a rat without badmouthing her daughter’s father, but I wish that she were more forceful in explaining that Lee was in jail because of the things that HE did regardless of who ratted him out.
At the same time, I get that she is proud of Aleeya for being loyal. But, I love that she tells Aleeya that, “Daddy didn’t make a good choice, because if he did, he wouldn’t be where he is.”
It’s all so confusing. So, I guess this one is all about Aleeya and what she takes away from the experience. More on that later.
Karen and Renee meet up. Karen doesn’t think that Renee should get any more plastic surgery. But she doesn’t really care about Renee; she really cares about showing Renee the papers where she is being badmouthed and how people are publishing her mug shot. She complains about being judged by what her father did. Renee is right there being supportive.
All of these women are so much more supportive than Karen actually deserves. Even if you don’t hate Karen as much as I do, you have to see how often every single one of the women have gone to bat for her against the others or felt bad for her. Karen hasn’t done a single thing in return to show her gratitude. Instead, she has been smug and gone out of her way to make sure every situation was about her.
Drita talks to Lee about the raccoons, and it’s cute. If Lee weren’t such a fuck, I would think this is a great scene. She tells him about how Aleeya felt about what a rat is. He is, of course, really proud that Aleeya is so loyal and that she would rather he spend in jail than be a rat.
I’m kind of conflicted about both conversations. OK, you guys don’t read these recaps to hear about my life, but I feel like I need to give you an idea of why this whole thing was so weird for me.
I am the oldest of five children. When we were growing up my parents would punish us for misdeeds. But, they would punish us more if we tattled on each other. My dad told us that long after he and my mom were gone all we would have would be each other. So, no matter what, we had to present a united front. My mother further clarified that directive by saying that while they didn’t want us starting fights at school, if one of us got into a fight, we all had better been in that fight or the ones that stayed out of it would be punished. So, I truly understand and appreciate loyalty. But, I also feel like if you keep your nose clean, so to speak, there is no need for fighting or keeping silent about something someone did. Needless, to say none of us ever told on each other (well, there was that one time, but my sister never did it again), and my parents still brag about that fact to this day at family reunions.
I think that this is why I had such a difficult time sitting down to write this recap. I am having difficulty with the idea of loyalty versus doing the right thing. Obviously, doing the right thing will always be foremost, but I understand being loyal when it comes to family – and lets face it, if you commit crimes together you are family. So, I apologize for the extreme lateness of this recap. I have no apologies for the lateness of Basketball Wives, however. That shit was just so tedious that I found reasons to put off writing it as long as I could.
Junior walks into Renee’s house and asks her to make him some soup because he isn’t feeling good and Renee is all about it. She talks about how he is sending her mixed signals, but it’s all so obvious. He is walking into her home, asking her to do things for him, and behaving as though he lives there. There are no mixed signals, he wants to play house before he goes to jail and Renee is totally happy with that.
This guy is just way too comfortable walking in and demanding soup.
Anyway, he goes upstairs to shower and change while AJ comes home. GOD I feel so bad for AJ. I think that he loves both of his parents but he knows that they don’t belong together. Now, his dad is going to jail and, while he most likely wants to spend plenty of time with his dad, he doesn’t want the fake family life of his mom making soup while his dad asks him about girlfriends. It’s so unnatural and makes me so mad at Renee. A drag queen knows her own mind. She probably knows her own mind more than anyone else in this world. But what she knows and what she wants versus what she is creating are always totally different things.
We need to set up a "Free AJ Foundation."
Junior is asking AJ how many girlfriends he has and AJ is all, “I don’t have any girlfriends, I just have girls I hang out with” and Junior is making it all a joke about how Renee will feel if AJ has a girlfriend – it’s cute. It’s like if they were an actual family this is how they would behave around the dinner table. Instead, Renee made Junior some soup because he asked her to, AJ came home to his dad acting like he lived with them, and Junior behaved as though this was the life he has always lived.
This is all so horribly wrong that I can see why Renee is so confused. It’s the life she wanted but never had. So, now she wants it even more.
Carla heads over to Drita’s to take down the gang of raccoons. Drita has her paint gun, her two flashlights, and Carla to watch her back. She is ready. Seriously, though if she wanted to get rid of the raccoons, she should have just doused the trash and the lids of her trashcans in ammonia. It’s cheaper and you don’t have to be up late waiting for the little fuckers to show up. If the ammonia doesn’t work, then you resort to BB guns and paint guns as a way of scaring them off. What? I’m from Alabama. Don’t judge me!
I already told you. Raccoons are funny!
They stalk some raccoons and Drita shoots the trashcan. The whole thing turns into a discussion about why single mothers aren’t allowed to have guns. I think that, as long as they take proper precautions they should. Not to get all political about gun laws are or anything, but since I have already started telling you about my personal history, I should tell you about this.
One time, my husband was out playing a gig and I was home by myself when someone tried to break into my house. It was like 2 in the morning and I normally wouldn’t have even been awake, but I was fucking around on the internet and I heard someone on my porch. At first I thought it was my husband and that he couldn’t find his keys. Then I heard a kick on the door. Then, when I got to the door, the kick came again more forcefully and I could see the doorframe vibrate. I grabbed my phone and by the time I pressed the number 9 there was another kick and I knew that whoever was trying to get in would be inside my house BEFORE any cops got there. I ran to the bedroom, grabbed the shotgun that my husband kept under the bed, and moved as close to the door as I dared. I cocked it and the kicking stopped. I cocked it again and heard who ever it was running from the porch. I stayed by the door for a minute and sunk down to the floor trying to breathe as deeply as I possibly could. Then, I laughed and cried for a little while. My husband had explained to me long before this happened that anyone who was familiar with the sound of a shotgun being cocked would instinctively freeze, hit the ground, or run away when they heard that sound – which was the thought that played through my head after the burglar(s) left. I posted the whole incident on Facebook, because that was how I rolled at the time, and then I called the cops.
The cops were very nice and took pictures of the bench on my front porch that had been moved (the burglar(s) had tried to reach a window) and the scuffmarks on the door. The cops asked me questions about the shotgun, but apparently there is some law about firearms having been given or passed down as gifts in Georgia, so they didn’t make a big deal about licenses (or they just said that to make me feel better about the way I reacted and to let me know that I wasn’t going to jail). Nothing ever came of it (I assume that who ever tried to break in told their thieving friends that the bitch had a shotgun), except I felt like a total bad ass – once I could ignore the crying and laughing hysterically part of the evening. So, I am totally down with single women protecting their homes – and I don’t even have kids. Like, I don’t know if I could ever actually shoot someone who was breaking into my house, but I do like having the option.
But, we were discussing Mob Wives. Sorry. I told you there was a reason this one was difficult for me to put in the can. Too many little things hit home with me from this episode.
Renee talks to her friend Nikole about Junior. She slept with Junior. There wasn’t any sex (because Junior is totally not interested in Renee in that way – that is one thing that he has been absolutely clear about from my perspective), but they slept in the same bed and broke out the albums from their wedding. Seriously, Renee breaks my heart with her refusal to see this for what it is. At the same time, I just want to smack her in the face with her own penis for being so stupid. I walk a fine line when it comes to Renee, Gasmii
If only Renee actually listened to the advice of the people who actually care for her. But, then where would she get her drama fix?
Anyway, Renee knows that this thing she has with Junior is fucked up but she can’t seem to deal with it (because the jackass is living with her). So, even though she knows that Junior is using her for his own comforts before he goes back to jail (and she totally knows), she can’t help but revel in the fact that he is there with her. So, she calls her friend in the hopes that Nikole will tell her that she is doing the right thing. Nikole tells her to pull her shit together and just keep it moving. Renee is not hearing that.
She even tries to justify things because she still has feelings for him. And it’s all bullshit. She knows he is bad for her. She knows exactly what he is doing and she is willing to go all in for it because she wants something she has never had and will never have with this man.
Carla is excited while walking on the beach with her kids. Her excitement has nothing to do with her kids and everything to do with the fact that she can see the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to not having to be a mother anymore. She is so excited to have him be the one who has to deal with them. He can tell them where he has been. He can raise them. He can take over all of that stuff that she is ready to move away from. If you pretend that those aren’t the thoughts going on in her head, it’s actually a really sweet scene between her and her kids.
I don't have to let you drown. In 11 days, you will no longer be my problem.
All of the women are having brunch. Renee wants to talk to them about Junior moving back in. The way she phrases it is that she is going to allow him to move back in. So, everyone wants to know why. Drita gets that Renee is crazy about him but they all say that he is bad for her.
Renee has this whole argument about pumpkin seeds. Karen gets in a funny line, and I forget how much I hate her for a second, until she starts talking again.
You can cheat on me, you can spend the majority of our child's life in and out of the slammer. Hell, you can even divorce me and move in with your girlfriend. As long as you bring the pumpkin seeds, I will always take you back.
But, all of the women keep talking about how bad this is for her. And then it comes out that he has already been staying there and it’s not about her thinking about letting him back in. He is already there.
Renee immediately gets defensive. She wants her family and wants to them to uphold her decision. And no one is willing to do that. Drita is all, “are you fucking insane?” Karen is trying to be Oprah. Carla is just sitting quietly. Renee is crying. She gets up and walks out because she isn’t getting the approval she was hoping for. She is crying in the bathroom while everyone discusses how bad this is.
This entire scene made me worry about Aleeya. It made me worry that Aleeya’s complete loyalty to her dad, to not being a rat, to her pride in the fact that her dad went to jail rather than be a rat, will cause her to be like the sad drag queen that is Renee. Think about it, don’t you think that Renee was probably every bit as loyal to her dad as Aleeya is to Lee?
I hope that Drita continues to stress how Lee made his own decision to do the wrong thing to Aleeya. I hope she continues to tell Renee how ridiculous it is to assume that Junior loves her just because he is going back to jail and wants to spend time with his kid and the kid’s mother.
Next week, Joe gets out of jail. Renee kicks Junior to the curb, and Karen debut’s chapter one of her book. Drita is pissed off that Karen is putting Lee’s life in her book and maybe we will get to see her hulk out.
Nothing really happened in this episode, but I felt it touch on so many things. It’s why I have to ask your forgiveness for the lateness of this recap. I couldn’t figure out the best way to discuss it. I’m still not sure if I told you too much about me in relation.
I just hope that you will be nice to me in the comments considering how unfunny this recap has been. >
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