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Welcome to another recap of the semi-interesting and highly fabulous lives of our favorite twenty-somethings on the Upper East Side. This week’s episode revolves around Blair’s pregnancy and her shower (Baby shower? Wedding shower? Not totally sure).
We open up with Serena planning the event of a lifetime…or something like that, and a juicy blast from Gossip Girl detailing the people NOT on the invite list: Chuck (Duh) and Dan (who cares?). BTW, I was just thinking…isn’t Gossip Girl a little outdated? I mean honestly, don’t these people have facebooks where they just tell on themselves? Something to ponder anyway…
So Blair’s groupies or whatever they are, are busy trying to antagonize Chuck by pointing out that he isn’t even Royal. Chuck is like, wow, boo-hoo, I didn’t get invited to a shower. The only person who cares is, OF COURSE, Dan. What man really wants to go to a shower anyway? Furthermore, what woman? They are pretty self-serving and boring. 
Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the F over it!
Louis come back to Blair and apologizes with a box of every perfume made her favorite French designer. What an expensive way to tell someone they have B.O.
Um, Blair? Have you tried showering?
Louis capitalizes on his apology with a good dig at Blair’s insecurities. Do B’s friends really have her best interest at heart? I mean, they talk crap about her all the time on Gossip Girl. B tries to dismiss this but it looks like a seed has been planted.
Charlie’s “Mom” calls for a little status update. When Charlie tells her that shit has hit the fan (AKA her ex is back in town), her mom (employer? Whatever) tells her that if the money stops, she’s going to make sure whatever happens to her happens to Charlie. So….Charlie won’t get paid? She won’t be accepted into a family she was never truly a part of? I’m not sure I really get the vague empty threat here.
Oh BTW…Nate’s granddad has shown up at the office of sexual favors and tells Diana she needs step down and promote Nate to Editor and Chief. Under qualification and family connections win again!
Max drops by and exposes the Charlie/Ivy double life to Lilly. Except both him and Lilly are missing any sort of skepticism, cause Charlie spins the dumbest lie and both actually believe it. Charlie says she goes by Ivy Dickens sometime because her mom made her…something about the Rhodes name being a burden and too associated with money and therefore moneygrubbers. Boo. Freaking. Hoo. Lilly and Max totally eat it up, which really highlights how dumb they are.
Back at the office, Diana tells Nate that she has to take down Gossip Girl in the next 3 days or she’s out of a job. A glimmer of hope comes over Nate’s eyes. Does Nate have an idea? No, it’s just the Visine eye drops he carries with him everywhere.
Freakin’ stoner.
Speaking of stoners….
Only Chuck would eat bruschetta when he had the munchies…
Chuck and Dan are watching the Matrix to get their minds off the upcoming nuptials. Dan boo-hoos a little bit about not being invited to the party, and Chuck tells him to be a man of action, like Neo. Except Dan thinks he’s talking about Ne-yo, so he puts on a fedora and pimp suit and starts belting out smooth jams. Well not really, but that would be A-MA-ZING.
Blair is dress shopping for the event tonight with her minions. She presses them for details about the party, so the minions pull a fast one and tell her it’s going to be an intimate affair, jeans suggested, and greek food from a cart. LMAO. B looks like she just vomited in her mouth. BTW, how cute are the drone’s little tights outfits?
Colored tights are so fetch right now! Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not gonna happen!
Nate really did have an idea! He forwards Serena the hacked Gossip Girl content which shows everything everyone has sent to Gossip Girl since the site started! Serena tries to talk him out of it, mostly out of self-preservation. It turns out our favorite blonde has sent in over 1,000 tips! She manages to convince Nate to do the right thing, but not before Louis peeps the hacked into site. Why is this guy everywhere? What a creeper. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is a serial killer.
A Monacan Psycho?
Charlie and Max talk about their past and present. Max tells Charlie that he still has feelings for her and that he would like to give their relationship another try. Seriously? Does this dude have battered woman syndrome? Why does he keep coming back? Instead of a relationship, Charlie offers him some hush money in the form of $50,000 to open a restaurant in Portland, Oregon. Where is she going to get that money? Why am I even asking? She could probably ask Lilly for a personal loan and Lilly wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Anyway, Max kinda figures out something’s up when Lilly shows him a family portrait with Charlie’s “mom”, Carole.
Nate shows Diana the Gossip Girl hacker page, but tells Diana its unethical to use it. Diana tries to turn it on Nate by seeing how many tips he’s sent it, which turns out to be a big fat zero. Diana praises him for being an honest man, but I personally think it’s because Nate is too high all the time to care about idle gossip. Anyway, Diana agrees not to publicize the page.
Max goes through a box of Charlie’s old stuff and finds a playbill showing the real Charlie Rhodes as an actress, Ivy as a stage manager, and Carole Rhodes as a fundraiser for the play. This web keeps spinning tighter and tighter.
Louis is going through the Gossip Girl hacked site and trying to find some info on the paternity test when Blair walks in. She tells him that she doesn’t think her friends have her best interest at heart since they’re throwing a shower clearly meant for a middle class person, not royalty.
I know I keep commenting on this, but WTF is up with the way they are styling Blair lately? Does someone have it out for Leighton Meester? Look at this lipstick:
It looks like can of orange crush died on her mouth.
As Blair steps out of the room, Louis pulls another trick and uploads the hacked site to NY Spectator.
Blair and Louis head to the shower, and SURPISE, it’s a Tiffany’s Party! Serena is sporting a trend I commonly associate with Tiffany’s: Crotch Pearls.
Because your va-jay needs some bling too!
Serena tries to give a speech, but everyone is too distracted by the news of the hacked Gossip Girl site.
Dan shows up to crash the party and makes some awkward elevator conversation along the way. Oh, and Chuck follows him.
Sooo…do you guys like flannel shirts?
Serena tries to distract the party guests by telling them to open their Tiffany’s boxes. (One has a diamond inside). Guess who got the diamond? Charlie! Conveniently Max appears. Charlie ushers him into her bedroom before anyone can see that she has liar written all over her face.
Meanwhile, Dan attempts to confront Blair as to why he wasn’t invited, considering he’s always been there for her. Blair responds by kicking him and Chuck out of the party.
A couple things happen rather quickly: Blair finds out that Louis uploaded the link to NY Spectator, and William Archibald forces Diana to resign. (Thank god. I hope this is the end of her run on this miserable season.)
Max confronts Charlie about her liar past and Charlie gives him the diamond as a down payment on the 50 grand she promised him. Something tells me that it’s going to take a lot more than 50K to shut Max up.
Chuck finds Dan and says he knows that Dan is in love with Blair. Too bad she is with Louis. Chuck says they both lost so it’s time to man up and get over it. Dan’s not sure what that means because he’s never gotten over anything. EVER. He actually had to write an entire book to talk about everything that he’s not over.
Meanwhile, Blair is breaking up with Louis. She says he should leave and she needs time to be alone and think about their relationship. Except there’s not going to be a lot of alone time or thinking involved…
YES!
Well that pretty much wraps up this episode. Also, Max comes to apologize for standing Serena up AND tries to blackmail Charlie for $500,000.
Stay tuned, I know a new episode aired last night so I will try to get that recap in ASAP.
And PS: Happy Holidays, hope y’all had a great Thanksgiving!
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