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So, I finally caught up on the After Shows and Bonus Clips on mtv.com. First of all, the Miz is still insane, and I still love him. Second of all, I love MikeMike. Seriously, if things don't work out with him and Paula, he should call me. I'm younger and saner. Third of all, this episode was made of pure win, so let's get to it!
Previously: Johnny/Tyler and Paula/Ev won the last challenge. Laurel and Cara Maria beat Jonna and Jasmine in one of the most lopsided elimination rounds ever. Apparently Laurel was "crushed" that CT wore a blue shirt to support the other team. For some reason, everyone lost their collective shit over the news that they would be traveling 3000 miles to Argentina for their next challenge.
"I have no idea where Argentina is, but I know it's in my contract to freak out over the mention of a location change!"
Wes tells us he's pooping his pants at the thought of going home, and MikeMike is nervous because he has no idea what to expect in Buenos Aires. As if he WOULD know what to expect in Costa Rica? But he should be nervous, because the mob is, without question, planning to send him into the last guy elimination round.
Tyler brings up conspiracy theories and Cara Maria is paranoid. Okay, honestly, what is the big fucking deal? The challenges rarely change much based on where they are (heights and/or water are almost always involved), and it's not like Central and South America are on opposite sides of the world from each other. Yes, they are traveling to a new location. So what?
They celebrate their last night in Costa Rica with a toga party, which includes making out, merriment, and some pretty violent rituals.
"Friends, Romans, Challengers, lend me your buttocks..."
MikeMike tells us he and Walnuts are going strong, but he's a little fed up with the guys constantly messing with him. Bananas says "Mike's just real fun to make fun of." Fuck you, Bananas... ya dumb bitch. (BTW, in the extended clip online, MikeMike yells "How OLD are you?" at Bananas in response to his childish behavior. Reason #489 why MikeMike is awesome.)
Cut to MikeMike in his top bunk screaming his head off about the other guys throwing cookies at him. It makes more sense if you watch the extended version, but basically this was the straw that broke the camel's back so we get to watch Mike scream about cookies at the top of his lungs. He gives all of the douches their own individual "FUCK YOU," and Bananas acts like MikeMike is a psychopath and says now he understands what it means for someone to go postal. Mike packs his stuff up and Jenn helps him carry it out as Roy Lee calmly tells the douches that they're assholes and Kenny tries to blame it on Tyler and Johnny.
Jenn shows Mike which bed he can use in the poolhouse, where CT and Wes are apparently staying but are nowhere to be found at the moment. Roy Lee shows up to check on him and MikeMike yells at Lee for not coming to his defense. ("Say something, I'm your boy!" he adorably shouts.) Because he is the coolest motherfucker alive, Roy Lee calmly explains to a still-screaming Mike that he can't joke around with the douches because they don't know when to stop. Before you know it, MikeMike calms down and realizes Roy Lee is right. They exchange a bro-handshake and "I love you, mans" before Roy Lee heads back up to bed, having completed his first awesome moment of this episode.
Best. Bromance. EVER. Suck it, Kenny and Evan.
Mike tells us he's glad to be doing this Challenge with Leroy because they aren't Rivals, they're friends. Holy understatement, Batman. Mike says that makes things easier. Seriously, I am so glad that Vegas Adam is such a royal fuckup, because it gave us more time to watch MikeRoy. Also, say what you want about Roy Lee in terms of book smarts, but he is EXCELLENT at reading people. He instantly spotted Adam's bullshit in Vegas even though the rest of the roomies didn't see it until months later.
The challengers head to Argentina while we watch a reenactment on a cartoon map. When they get there, CT reminds us that the last challenge is a guys' one and if he makes it past that he's in the final, which is what he's been working toward. Oh, is that the goal? I hadn't noticed.
They get to the house, tell us it's awesome, and have a wine toast to Argentina. CT and Laurel sit out on the balcony as CT tells her she's just like Adam, pretending not to like him. Laurel tells us she kind of likes him, but she's mad at him for wearing blue to the Jungle. They debate what color he wore as we flashback to him wearing a blue shirt (though, to be fair, he was wearing black shorts and a black hat). He says she'll have to send him home soon, and she says if he goes home it's his own fault because it's "everybody for themselves." That will never be true with the Doucheketeers around.
"Care to join me for a spot of tea and crumpets?"
That night, the insanity is abundant. Kenny and Paula wrestle, the increasingly-sparingly-seen Ev climbs a pole, there's a elevator. Paula tells us there's a breaking point in the Challenges where everyone goes mental. Well, she should know, I suppose. It really is insanity right now, even for a Challenge. Everyone is wrestling in various states of undress, mattresses are in disarray, everyone is screeching and/or laughing. Bananas tells us that things then go "from crazy to absolutely psychotic."
Apparently Wes has dumped an entire two-liter bottle of soda over Cara Maria's head. Sadly, this appears not to have been caught on camera, so we only get to see the aftermath. Too bad, because that would have been hilarious to watch. I don't hate Cara Maria or anything, I just think it would have been a fantastic comedic visual. Sadly, now we just get to watch Wes be proud of himself as he tells her she's fake and immature. Oh, right, because Wes is just the fucking picture of maturity.
Cara Maria tells Wes she hates him so much and Paula jumps in to tell CM she's wet and looking stupid and to go to bed. Paula says she's sticking up for Wes, and she's damn sure about it, too.
Just when you thought Paula might make it through ONE season without being a complete goddamn moron.
Walnuts says "it's called loyalty," although I have no idea what loyalty she has to Wes. I guess because he's partnered with Kenny and siding with the douches, although none of them ever seem to feel quite the same amount of loyalty to Paula. Even CT is sympathetic toward Cara Maria, telling her Wes is a punk who wouldn't pull this shit in real life. Or, as he tell us, "Wes is just a little arrogant punk who doesn't have a mother who'd spank his ass when he was little."
Wes follows CM into another room so he can tell her that no one likes her (again, POT-KETTLE, DUDE), and Laurel tells us she's the only one who has CM's back. Laurel yells at Wes to GTFO of their room because she's "pissed the fuck off." He calls her "Amazon" and she retaliates by calling him "Firecrotch" and again telling him to GTFO. She slams the door in his face and let's CM cry on her shoulder. I know Laurel can be a bully and all, but I just never mind when someone is yelling at Wes. He always seems to bring these things on himself.
CM tells us Laurel has been "dominating" in the past, and we flashback to them fighting on CutThroat. (BTW, I watched all of the videos on mtv.com that show the rivalries. Paula and Ev have the lamest "beef" ever. It's a 10 second clip of Paula saying that Ev is a jerk for going on the boat with the douches on the Island. The producers totally just paired them up in hopes that Paula would finally win.) CM says she doesn't want to let them see her cry, and she has to put her trust in Laurel.
Kenny bursts into the room and asks, "What the fuck happened?" Laurel replies, "Get the fuck out." "ME?!" Kenny asks incredulously. "Yeah," says Laurel. "Shut up," Kenny replies.
Confession time, guys: I sort of love watching Kenny and Laurel act like an old married couple.
They sit down to discuss their daughter Cara Maria getting picked on at school, as Laurel helpfully explains to Kenny that CM is hurt. Laurel then tells us that picking on Cara is getting old, and she's tired of it... says the girl who INVENTED picking on Cara. I mean, what if Alexander Graham Bell had gotten tired of the telephone? Or Gutenberg had gotten tired of the printing press? Or Snooki had gotten tired of the poof? Oh, wait... that last one actually happened. Entrepreneurs just do not have the attention span that they used to.
Laurel chases Wes around trying to pour soda on him as Tyler screeches at her to stay away from the piano.
Leave it to the gay guy to defend the fine home furnishings.
Kenny arrives to attempt to calm Laurel down and take the soda from her. I love it when Kenny is shirtless and being nice. He has my MP attentions for the time being, because I'm fickle like that. Dumbass Bananas throws a water bottle at her for no reason, and she points out that this is uncool since she is still near the piano.
Laurel tries to yell at Wes, but Paula keeps trying to interject, so Laurel switches to yelling at Paula. Her chosen insults include being old, not winning a challenge, being a "reject of a life," having fake boobs, being anorexic, the inability to get a husband, being childless, and being ugly. Tyler comes to Paula's defense and tells Laurel to leave her past out of it, apparently referring to Paula's anorexia. Laurel tells Tyler to stay out of it, but he wants Laurel out of his friend's face. Ev reappears from the shadows to comfort a crying Paula, who tells us that everyone knows what buttons to push to upset her.
Tyler tries to comfort Paula while CM wails to Leroy that it's wrong to be so hurtful, and she doesn't understand how people can treat other people this way. She's wailing, and it's kind of a hilarious visual. Has she ever seen 90% of reality shows? Again, I don't hate CM, but this girl needs a thicker skin. Stat. I'm sure she's been picked on more than we've seen and she's reached her breaking point, but I also think she knows how to play the victim. Also, this is the girl who was apparently an aspiring dominatrix.
"Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, and all you're ever gonna be is mean... Why you gotta be so mean?"
The next morning, Paula is pissed that Laurel hasn't apologized. Someone is looking for a Rivals 2 partner just in case pairing with Ev doesn't get her a win. Tyler and Adam discuss the collective mental breakdown of the house.
Challenge time! Teej welcomes them to Argentina and tells them they'll be playing Bombs Away. One team member will be hanging from a helicopter (over water, of course), and the other will have to climb a rope and pull a release to send the hanging partner into the water, then launch him- or herself into the water. Fastest time wins, falling off of the rope is a DQ. So much for teamwork, this is completely a one person challenge. Fastest guys are safe, slowest guys are in the Jungle, fastest girls get $2000.
Paula and Ev make the order while MikeRoy discuss the fact that only a win will save them from the Jungle because the douches sure aren't going in unless they're forced to do so.
Laurel and CM are up first. Obviously, Laurel is doing the climbing and CM is doing the hanging. BTW, the girls get a rope ladder to climb and the guys just get a rope. Anyway, Laurel does well. Jenn and Mandi are up next, with Jenn doing the climbing and Mandi doing the hanging. We don't get their time, but it looks like Laurel climbed faster than Jenn. Ev/Paula are last, and to no one's surprise, Ev is climbing and Paula is hanging. The shocking part is that we finally get to hear Ev say some actual words! She says she's excited because she's competing on her own in this one and she loves individual challenges.
"Seriously, for the final, any chance you guys can have Paula just meet me at the finish line? With her luck she'll get a spider bite and almost die or something."
Ev seems to do well, but we don't get her time so as not to ruin the surprise of who wins the all-important $2000.
CT/Adam are up first for the guys, and CT will be climbing because he weighs more and they're hoping that will hold the rope steadier. He starts climbing and appears to be struggling mightily. After a commercial break to build the suspense, CT falls! DQ and automatic trip to the Jungle! MikeRoy are up next, and of course Roy Lee is climbing while MikeMike hangs out. And let me tell you, Roy Lee flies up that rope LIKE A BOSS. Kenny says he thinks it's less than 10 seconds, and from what we see it looks like he's right. Seriously, you guys, it is SO AWESOME. After laying low for the entire season, Roy Lee is winning this episode. Hands down.
"Ummm... this wasn't part of the master plan. Evan didn't tell me what to do if this happened. Can I use my phone-a-friend?"
Kenny wonders aloud to Johnny if maybe they should be worried about MikeRoy in the final. MikeMike tells us how proud he is of Leroy and makes him show off his friggen GIGANTIC biceps.
Johnny climbs next while Tyler hangs, and he does well, but not well enough. Wes will be climbing for obvious reasons, since Kenny has fucked up several times this season and one of those times it was at climbing. He also does well, but it does not appear to be well enough. Ev immediately congratulates Mike, and I'm worried that this is premature and an ominous sign.
CT tells us this is the worst case scenario for the mob, since one of the douches will have to face him in the Jungle. I like how CT refers to those pussies as the "mob" when he probably has connections to the actual mob.
Johnny heads over to Kenny/Wes to attempt a civil discussion about who should go in, when they each clearly expect the other to volunteer. Wes says Johnny should go in since he hasn't yet and Wes did better today. Johnny points out that overall he and Tyler have performed much better than Kenny and Wes. Both make valid points, but one team has to go in. And seriously, I wouldn't care if production convinced CT to fall on purpose, gave Leroy grip tape, and greased the rope for the other two, because this is just awesome.
Johnny is pissed that Kenny is letting Wes do the talking. Well, Evan's not there, how else is Kenny supposed to know what to do? What were you expecting, Bananas? That Kenny would volunteer himself to go in? Ya dumb bitch.
Teej gathers everyone for the announcements, and Ev won the $2000 for herself and Paula, who acknowledges that she owes one to Ev. Next, he officially announces MikeRoy as the winners! LOVE.
Tyler did not get Bananas' memo that this is bad news.
TJ congratulates them on making it to the final, and Leroy tells us he doesn't think he would have lasted this long with Adam as a partner, but MikeMike is "ride or die." TJ then announces that CT and Adam are being sent straight to the Jungle, and there will be no deliberation since the teams must immediately decide who they will vote in as the other Jungle team. Nice! Gotta love these little twists. Everyone is shocked.
TJ calls on Ev and Paula to make the all-important first vote. CT is delighted to watch everyone in the alliance as they are forced to vote against each other. Paula tells us she doesn't know what to do since the guys didn't tell her what they wanted, and making decisions on her own is impossible. She actually says she's in "panic mode" and that this is literally her "worst nightmare." Good lord, get a grip, woman!
If you look closely, you can see her brain going up in flames.
Luckily, Ev's brain is still working as she rationalizes that Johnny and Tyler haven't gone in yet. Ev tells us Paula is torn between her loyalty to Kenny and her loyalty to Johnny and Tyler. She must really like Kenny, because I would think the two guys she's close with from her season would take precedence over him, but apparently her brain is too busy exploding. Ev speaks up and votes for Johnny and Tyler. Jenn/Mandi cancel it out by voting for Kenny and Wes. Laurel/CM have an easier decision since Laurel is mostly only tied to Kenny and vote for Johnny/Tyler, even though I suspect they're both still pissed at Wes.
MikeRoy are called on next and vote for Johnny and Tyler. (Apparently because Wes said so? I don' know.) Bananas is pissed at Wes for speaking up and calls him a "scumbag piece of shit," which is kind of like when Wes accuses CM of being unlikable. Get a mirror, dude.
Takes one to know one, ya dumb bitch.
Obviously, the two teams each vote for each other, which leaves the score at 4-2 and sends Johnny and Tyler into the Jungle. Is it wrong that I'm a little surprised/impressed that Teej managed to keep track of the score? He also helpfully reminds Johnny and Tyler of last season, when they both faced CT instead of each other in an elimination round. We get an AWESOME flashback to that time that CT was Dora the Explorer, and Bananas played the part of Backpack.
CT is very amused at how upset the mob is, while Bananas gets in a tizzy at Wes and Kenny, saying there was a more "respectful" way to do that. He doesn't say what that is, but presumably he means Wes and Kenny should have just thrown themselves on the knife. Tyler, for his part, snits at Ev and accuses her of stabbing him in the back. Ev knows he just wants to assign blame. Kenny feels bad that his friend Johnny is going in, but now Bananas says he needs to get into game mode.
Back at the house, CT and Adam give each other a pep talk. Adam still considers the douches friends, but knows he needs to count on CT right now. I'm a little worried, because usually this is what we hear from the losing team. Jenn sits with Tyler and Bananas and they discuss their plan for Tyler to neutralize CT while Bananas rips Adam's head off. Tyler says he's insulted that Paula let Ev vote them in despite the fact that he has never screwed Paula over. I seem to remember him being on the team that sent Paula into the last elimination round last season, but I can't remember what role he played.
Tyler sits Paula down to talk about it and Paula tells us it's the guys' own fault for not telling her what to do, but she does feel bad that Tyler is taking it personally. Tyler reminds her that he stood up for her the other night instead of Kenny, and she says she and Tyler are "family" but she's been "closer with Kenny longer." Ummm, how, exactly? And she air quoted that... why? Am I missing something? Anyway, Tyler says that hurt his feeling more than the vote because he's always considered her his best friend from The Real World.
But I thought Jenn was your best friend! Damn, Tyler, fickle much?
Tyler has now rolled his Blame Train into MikeMike station, saying it "kills" him because he "loves" Mike. Mike tells us Tyler is just being emotional and accuses Tyler and company of trying to throw him into the middle of something.
Roy Lee jumps in and says everyone's just pissed because he won it for them, otherwise MikeRoy would have been thrown in and everyone would be happy. He tells Tyler to man up, and when Tyler says he's won three challenges, Leroy tells Tyler he's better than that and he's afraid of CT. Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Lee for the motherfucking win! In cast anyone is keeping score, Roy Lee has now been awesome thrice this episode. AND he gave me an excuse to use "thrice!"
Although, to be fair, if Tyler really was "better than that," he wouldn't keep being asked to the Challenge. Tyler's nowhere near the worst person on these things, but the people who really are better than that don't get asked back. Which is why we'll probably never see Leroy again, which makes me sad. Tyler tells Leroy he doesn't understand the fear because he's never been in an elimination round. Leroy calls out for CT to fly in wearing a cape because everyone seems to think he's a god.
Roy Lee is the one who needs a cape, because he is my goddamn hero this episode.
The next morning, Tyler tells Jenn and Paula that he feels great and he thinks he "exorcised a lot of demons last night." Paula still looks like someone punched her in the ovaries. He says he won't hold a grudge against Paula because she's like a sister and he even loves Leroy more, which is crazy. Disagree, loving Leroy is entirely rational. CT and Leroy talk about how scared Tyler and the douches are.
Speaking of Tyler and the douches, they sit down to discuss the problem of Adam having some semblance of self-confidence. Between having CT as partner, feeding off the power of Jenn's vaginal vortex, and the fact that Kenny is nice to him, apparently Adam is starting to feel like a real boy, and they simply can't have that. Wes says Adam is getting "comfortable," and no one should feel that way if it doesn't benefit the douches. Wes tells them they know exactly how to make someone uncomfortable- treat him like an enemy. And Wes, of all people, should know.
"Douche powers, activate! ... Oh wait, I don't know how to turn them off in the first place."
Out at da club, everyone is making out with everyone. Bananas tells Adam that CT is a malignant tumor that they can't operate on, so he has to kill them both. Kenny half-heartedly tries to join in, and CT gets pissed because he doesn't want Adam losing confidence this late in the game. CT screams at Bananas (and Kenny) that all they do is beat up on little kids, and Bananas yells back that CT beat up a gay kid and beat up Adam. Ev tries to make us think that CT is going to punch Johnny. Oh, don't get my hopes up, Ev. What I wouldn't give to see that. Also, watching Bananas and CT fight over who is the bigger bully is like watching Walnuts and CM fight over who is more emotional.
Next week: A potentially fatal elimination round. Jenn is on an IV, but we also see her rowing a boat with Mandi so presumably she does manage to run the final. More CM and Wes yelling. Good times! Also:
It's not a final until somebody vomits! Poor MikeMike.
OMG, so much awesome this episode. First and foremost, Leroy! Calming MikeMike down, SCHOOLING everyone in the challenge, and calling Tyler on his bullshit. So, so happy MikeRoy are in the final! I'm rooting for CT and Adam in the elimination and MikeRoy in the final, but I don't think they'll win. Experience does tend to help, especially in finals. Also rooting for Paula and Ev, followed by Laurel and CM.
Whose side were you on in the fights? I know MikeMike lost his shit, but the douches always drive people crazy and someone usually cracks right at the end. I'm not a huge fan of CM (I think she plays the victim and needs to grow a backbone), but I guess I'm on her side because fuck Wes. And of course, MikeRoy calling out Tyler was fantastic. So, what did you think of the episode, who are you rooting for, etc?
Oh, and slightly off topic: Is it just me, or are the Real World Vegas guys from this season the easiest game of Marry/Fuck/Kill on the planet? Marry Mike, bang Leroy, kill Adam. (Naomi was kind of a genius.)
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