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We’re back with the baddest bunch of limo-riding
Tyra’s build-your-own limo
bitches the reality show world can offer. Angelea gets congrats all around for squeakin’ by, yet again. Allison gets kudos for getting best photo, accepting their accolades with a blanket over her knees because it’s cold in that truck, gol’ darn it! She’s a little old lady trapped in a young woman’s body.
Driver, can you stop at Bob Evans on the way back to the house? I’ll give you a peppermint if you do!
Alexandria must have dropped off her arrogance confidence with Shannon before she left the house; NN tells us she’s competing in the ASs Cycle because thousands of little girls are looking up to her as a role model. We Christians all have our crosses to bear.
This one time, at Jesus Camp …
Then Tyra throws in some random scene before the girls get home (they’re wearing different clothes and everything, it’s weird) of them going out to lunch. I think the show just wanted to prove these women actually eat. How many small pink trash cans did you hand out on the way out of the restaurant, Tyra?
Praying that the calories don't count.
AndrE visits just after the girls get home, in his rice paddy outfit, and invites in some waiters/actors (Who knew you could move to L.A. and successfully combine the two professions on purpose?) who smash plates on the floor in an homage to Greece, where the girls are all headed.
Maybe the costumier and I should not have shared that bottle of JD before I got dressed.
Don’t apologize for the “gauche” behavior, AndrE. Apologize for mixing themes and cultures in your dress (Asian), language (French), and reason for being at the ASs house (trip to Greece).
Once the girls arrive in Greece, we see Miss J hasn’t figured out her Greek fashion either.
Opa!
So the host of Greece’s Next Top Model (Really? Is there one in Uzbekistan, too?)
Winner and runner up in Uzbekistan’s Next Top Model.
tells the girls they must make up a one-minute speech as they fly to Crete. They’ll have to give the speech at a press conference set up in their honor upon arrival, and include something about themselves, a few facts about Greece, and some Greek words in that one minute. Laura’s quite nervous about speaking Greek, interviewing she’s not so good with the English language.
I love self-awareness. You get my vote, Laura. And some face powder, ‘cause girrrrrrl …
Oh, she’s dyslexic. Now I flee bda.
The “press conference” is held at the bottom of the moveable stairs the ASses use to exit the plane. Πολύ classy, Crete. The ladies, in my humble estimation, do pretty well for having to come up with a short speech on the fly. I was charmed, but there was a clear challenge winner …
That evil Greek wind!
The girls go to their truly lovely resort and settle in. Miss J arrives and tells everyone that Allison won the challenge. This chick is the dark “weirdly beautiful” horse in this race.
Good, now I can pawn my Greek jewelry prize and get a new hat …
… ‘cause the “Scarlett O’Hara” bracelet is fug. I didn’t know “O’Hara” was Greek!
The next day, Jay Manuel comes a knockin’ and brings Michael Cinco, the landfill challenge designer from Cycle 16, who will help each girl design an “Immortal Goddess” themed gown for final runway.
Michael Jackson Cinco
Only the final two will actually walk the runway in the dresses, though, so this should be kind of a letdown for the girls, odds-wise.
Laura doesn’t understand math, either
The girls each get five minutes with Michael Cinco (get it? Ha!) to design the dress. I’m dying to see Dominique’s, who admits her “drag is coming out” as she describes she wants a high center slit in the skirt, with some medals or something dangling from the crotch area. Trying to tell us something, Dominique?
I already have something dangling from my crotch area.
The next day, the girls meet Jay Manuel on the beach for an underwear photo shoot
Ruh-roh!
in a giant salad bowl with famous Vogue Hellas photographer, (Yes, Virginia, there is a Greek Vogue.) Nikos Papadopoulus. I think Nikos is more excited to be there than Shannon is, for sure. Georgina Wilson, visiting model, tells Shannon the BEST LINE of the ep, as Shannon describes her rules against modeling underwear and cigarettes, “It’s easier to change the model than the [clothes].” Suck on that, NN!
Dominique’s shoot goes well. Mr. Manuel tells us that Dom-Dom’s masculine (air quotes included) vibe from Cycle 10 is gone! I disagree, but I guess pouring olive oil on yourself in a giant bowl of tomatoes, feta and cucumber is not manly.
Or, she just learned to “tuck” really well.
Jay gamely attempts to get NN to change her mind and participate in the shoot, but she stubbornly declines without validly defending her moral position. The edited-in b&w flashback of the stilt shoot in her decidedly-underwear-looking “swimsuit” does not add to her weak-ass argument. She may lose in modeling, but she’ll be a great Republican candidate one day.
I get to decide what I wear in my bedroom AND what you wear in yours.
What’s going on with this challenge? Never Nude’s a prude and won’t participate, poor Laura’s sick, and Allison’s “vampire vision” makes it hard for her to see, and she tears up, in bright sunlight (Can anyone provide answers for me on the "VV"? Did I hear her wrong? I looked it up but couldn’t find anything.). Synopsis: Jay M. calls Angelea fat,
“Lack of core strength” is J.M. code for “Put down the doughnuts!”
Allison’s shoot goes poorly thanks to the eye problem, Lisa and Dominique both do a great job, and Laura stars in her very own Greek porno
I like having stuff drip down my face.
Once they return to the resort, the ASses get a message that the next day is panel. In the morning, everyone is self-deprecating to each other and worried about their chances, except Lisa …
Chillaxin’
Panel time! The new Village People showed up:
Pot Ledom! Pot, pot ledom!
Allison’s first. Her best shot is really good, except for the whole closed eyes thing. I think it made the picture better, especially since I like her eye shadow. Angelea’s came out pretty, too:
Core strength, schmore strength.
They call Lisa’s robotic:
You say robotic, I say post-coital. Let’s call the whole thing off!
NN defends her choice to drop out of the shoot, explaining she decided several years ago to never pose in underwear. Nigel calls her on the semantics issue, Nikos tells NN she won’t be successful with so many limitations, but Tyra defends her right to stand up for what she believes in and tells Shannon her whole portfolio will be considered for this panel decision.
Laura’s “best shot” is, unfortunately, this:
Guess we know who’s going home.
Poor Laura. They all call her on the porno qualities in her expression. This is not the last impression a sweet, Southern girl wants to leave. If she used “but I was sick and couldn’t breathe through my nose” excuse, they edited it out. I hope she gets to stay!
During deliberation, we see what happens when AndrE collides with a circus tent
Just put the rice paddy hat back on.
And they all rehash the same things they said in front of the girls, except they seem to really LOVE Dom’s photo.
Dominique (and her curly-licious mane) win best photo! She looks much more feminine with her hair this way.
Allison came in second. Angelea and Lisa are also safe. So we’re down to porno/loveable and confusing/pure. They let Laura stay! Oh, well, off to the campaign trail, NN. Just to rub it in, Tyra points out that NN also never won a challenge nor best photo.
And I’m prettier than you, too!
TLC always has room for another religious family reality show, so good luck with that, Shannon. Thanks for reading, everyone! (And really, thanks for watching this show. Tyra needs the money.)
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